This is the second part of our summary of the changes in the all-time rankings in the All-Star game’s statistical categories (1st part). However, this is also, like, the third part of my 2016 All-Star summary, or to be more precise – the second sub-part of the second part of the summary. Er. So where does this leaves us? To quote Donald Sutherland from “Without Limits”: “Jesus, Mac, who gives a shit”.

Without Freddy Adu, let’s move on to the stats!

Offensive Rebounds

Moses Malone	44
Shaquille O’Neal	39
Hakeem Olajuwon	38
Tim Duncan	38
Julius Erving	34

No changes in the top 5, but guess who’s knocking on the front door – Carmelo Anthony! Carmelo had 3 offensive boards in the 2016 All-Star game and brought his total to 33, right outside the top 5. Next year he should enter it. BTW, do you know how many offensive boards LeBron has? Take a guess. I know I was very far off the real number. Only 9! Nine goddamn offensive boards in 12 All-Star games! For fuck’s sake, the diminutive Chris Paul has 7 ORs in 8 games… I think I’m more disappointed with LeBron now than the time when he mocked Dirk‘s illness during the 2011 NBA Finals.

Defensive Rebounds

Tim Duncan	98
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar	84
LeBron James	66
Moses Malone	64
Kevin Garnett	63

LeBron pulled down 4 defensive boards this time, and leapfrogged both KG and MM (hmmm is that a good nickname? frankly, it sounds horrible. I should make a mental note never to use it again). But the gap from the second spot is too big and he will need something like 3 games to reach it. I predict he will finish his career as the 2^nd best defensive rebounder in the history of the All-Star game, although there’s a slight chance he’ll end up as #1. Before the 2015 All-Star game I said this chance is about 20%. Now I think more of a 10%. Anyway, Kobe grabbed 5 DRs in 2016 and finished his career just outside the top 10 with 47 defensive boards. Dwight Howard remains stuck at 44 for now, due to him not taking part in the last two All-Star games… WTF, Dwight?! You should be there too! Apart from them there is no active player with 40+. Carmelo has 39.

Rebounds

Wilt Chamberlain	197
Bob Pettit	178
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar	149
Bill Russell	139
Tim Duncan	136

Ok, no changes here. Kobe and LeBron are once again sharing a spot – they both have 75 boards after the 2016 edition of the All-Star game, which is good enough for 16^th place, and they lead the All-Star-active players. Carmelo is next with 72. You need 94 rebounds to enter the top 10, and I guess LeBron will reach that total in 2019, three games from now. But as for changing something in the top 5 I guess we’ll have to wait for Andre Drummond, who finally made his All-Star debut this year and showed off his board grabbing ability by pulling down 13 of them. A great start! Man, I can’t wait for 2026 when he enters the top 5!

Assists

Magic Johnson	127
Chris Paul	106
Isiah Thomas	97
Bob Cousy	86
Oscar Robertson	81

Now here’s where the things get interestinger. Chris Paul had 31 assists in his last two All-Star games, and is bound to pass Magic in 2018. With an average of over 13 assists per game in his All-Star career, only death can stop him from climbing to that top spot. Also, LeBron dished out 7 assists in this year’s game to bring his total to 75, which is good enough for the #6 spot. Next year he can enter the top 5, and I think it’s a sure bet he will become the third player in the “100+ assists” club, and also the only player in history to accumulate 100+ assists and 100+ rebounds in his All-Star career. Kobe also had 7 assists, and he ends his All-Star career with 70 in total – 9^th place all-time.

Steals

Kobe Bryant	38
Michael Jordan	37
Isiah Thomas	31
Dwyane Wade	27
Jason Kidd	24

With his one steal in this year’s game Kobe broke the tie with Michael, and now he’s the sole all-time steals leader in the history of the All-Star game. Wade had twice as much ssteals in the game but he’s still 4 steals behind the original Isiah Thomas. I don’t think he will catch him, since it will probably require two more All-Star appearances and sadly enough I think Wade has only one more left in him… And may I be wrong! Outside the top 5, Chris Paul is waiting, with only one steal less than Jason Kidd. He could have already been a top 5 member by now, but he has only himself to blame for the fact that he didn’t achieve this milestone, since he had only one steal this year.  And what about LeBron? Well, he’s still stuck with 17 steals (12^th place), after not recording any this time.

Blocks

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar	31
Hakeem Olajuwon	23
Shaquille O’Neal	19
Patrick Ewing	16
David Robinson	13

Well, since only two fucking blocks were recorded in this year’s goddamn game (one by Kyle Lowry and the other by Carmelo) I reckon it is time to cancel this ranking. No changes will be made here in the foreseeable future. Dwight is stuck with 9 (10^th place), and apart from him Wade and Dirk are the only active players with 5+ blocks (both have exactly 5). Kobe ends his career with 6 (18^th place). I guess we should perhaps start a new blocks ranking, which only takes into account the All-Star games played after 2000, this will make more sense…

Points

LeBron James	291
Kobe Bryant	290
Michael Jordan	262
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar	251
Oscar Robertson	246

It’s a good thing we end this post on a positive note with the funnest (funnest, not funniest. yup, it’s a thing now) category and not with that blocks thingy. I was really surprised to see Kobe score only 10 points, but even more surprised to see LeBron score only 13, equaling his lowest amount evar in an All-Star game. Still, it was enough to climb to the top spot and dethrone Kobe. Now the road is clear for him to become the first player to reach 300 points. I hope next year’s game won’t be as weird as this one, and he’ll score his usual amount of 20+.

Now, we don’t have any other active players in the top 10, but outside the top 10 we have Wade lying in 12^th place, with 181 points, Durant in 13^th place with 179 points and Carmelo in 16^th place with 175. Wade had a weak game this year, scoring only 8 points, and his All-Star career is nearing its end, so I guess he will finish it in the top 10 but not higher than the 9^th place (Elgin Baylor sits in 8^th place with 218 points). Carmelo also disappointed with only 13 points, but I think he might have more All-Star games left in him than Flash, so he might just pass Wade. But obviously The Durantula is our greatest hope for stirring things up in the top 5. As of now KD still pwns the highest career average of points-per-game in the All-Star game, with 25.6, and he was pretty close to that this time, scoring 23. I reckon 3 games from now he’ll be the newest member of the top 5, and like I wrote last year, he’s the best bet to be the second player to reach 300 All-Star points in his career. And what about Westbrook? Well, true, he has been phenomenal in the last two All-Star games, but he played in only 5 All-Star games so far. And so despite logging more points than minutes in his All-Star career, as of now he has accumulated 119 points in total, good enough for the 35^th spot. So he still has a very long way to go and a lot of rungs to climb in this ladder of all-time scorers.

So that’s it, the summary of how the 2016 All-Star game impacted the all-time rankings is now complete.

*Raising my arms like Willem Dafoe in “Platoon”*

Cheers.